Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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