I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize