just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
