After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
