I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
