my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
