You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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