so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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