my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
