@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize