he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
