We won't sleep together?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
