You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
