i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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