She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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