i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
