i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
