Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
