watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
