She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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