Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
