I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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