He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
