I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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