Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
