i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
