Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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