Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
