Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
