So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
