You can't motorboat a personality
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
