i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
