Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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