she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
