On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
