He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize