grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize