Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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