What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
