On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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