I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
