I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
