She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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