You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
