i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
