Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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