next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
