I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think i have herpe
just one?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
