i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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