his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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