matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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