If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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