so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
