When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
