she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am available for nakedness
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
