A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
