i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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