just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
