So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I CAN MOONWALK!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
