U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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