i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
