Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
what day is it and did you see me today?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
