Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
