Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize