you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
