miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
