So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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