I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
